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If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
I used to be a camera man in the porn industry but it became too hard...
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.
If you ever need anything please don`t hesitate to ask someone else first.
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
A woman that doesn`t ask for nothing deserves everything
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.
Happy Fourth of July!! Or as the rest of the world likes to call it, Friday.
I wasn`t going to get so many groceries, but there was a new girl working today and she took my check.
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.