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The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
I had four E`s and LSD last night. Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
Wine doesn`t have many vitamins. That`s why you have to drink a lot of it.
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
I don`t even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullsh!t.
I hate when people passive-aggressively post vague, indirect statuses. You know who you are...
Ever noticed that `beer can` in a british accent sounds exactly like `bacon` in a jamaican accent?
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.
If 3 people have sex, it`s called a 3-some. If 2 people have sex, it`s called a 2-some. I guess we now know why they call you HAND-some.