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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
I bet Captain Crunch has some amazing abs.
Scientists say the Universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons... They forgot to add Morons.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
I am used but in good condition.
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
Some days your the duck. Some days your the goose.
I`m at my most likable before you get to know me.
If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
I’m not a “stalker”. I want to make sure you’re okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.