Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
No one has ever said, "You know what would make this even better? ... Turkey bacon."
Everyone is gifted. But not everyone opens their present.
Redneck word of the day : Asphalt. It`s your own dumb asphalt !!
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
Not to brag, but I don’t need to smoke pot to get the munchies.
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!”
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned it’s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.
"Wish You Were Beer!" Wait...no...that`s right...send.
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.
I don`t use cocaine, I just like the way it smells.