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Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
good boys go to heaven bad boys go every where
Sex ed class should be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
I love water. Especially when it`s frozen and surrounded by vodka.
I can already tell it`s going to be another one of those mornings where I`m not rich and famous.
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
I bet people don’t understand that I’m joking 800% of the time.
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.
Be nice to your kids. They get to choose your nursing home.