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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
GF: Does this dress make my a$$ look big? BF: Nope Your A$$ makes the dress look big.
Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I`ve learned that I don`t need to use so many paper towels, and they`re expensive.
The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
My car broke down outside a massage parlor on today ... And again tomorrow.
I`m going to start looking for the good in all people I meet this year. Except for the a$$holes.
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
I don’t understand shark movies I mean just get out of the water.
Relationship status: Are you gonna eat that?
The only idea worse than New Coke was brown toilet paper...
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
Your girlfriend is rated E... For Everyone
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.
Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad.