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There are no winners the day following a green beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.
Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
Unless you discovered a dead body, I don`t want to hear about your morning jog.
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
My favorite part of seeing someone I know in public is pretending I didn’t.
No. My hair magically got shorter.
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you`re bound to get burned
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.