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I was driving to work this morning and saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus is the answer." A few minutes later I saw another bumper sticker that said, "Who farted?" That was the best game of Highway Jeopardy ever!
If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.
Just remember the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your talent
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
Behind every great women is a man checking out her a$$
My best relationship advice: Make sure you`re the crazy one.
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
I was told there would be kool-aid.
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
This cold weather makes me half the man I used to be.
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.
Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?" but they don`t stop long enough for you to reply!