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A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
I love running my fingers through my girlfriend`s hair. It`s also a great way to let her know we`re out of napkins.
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
In honor of St. Patrick`s Day, I`m going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
I’m eating just in case I get hungry later
I only call them yoga pants because Netflix and eat leftovers pants was too long.
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.
for every like, I will fart on my wife face
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them and why aren`t we helping to find them?
How’s your day going? Here’s a good way to tell: Is it “already” 2:00pm or “only” 2:00pm?