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It`s amazing how much people are willing to lower their eating standards when you insert the word "free" in front of the word "food".
For all those girls that say `all guys are the same` ... Who told you to try them all? Hoe.
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th, because I know how to reduce fractions unlik the rest of you morons.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
Just a reminder that your coworkers aren`t going to get eaten by bears on their own. You have to make that happen. You have to want it.
When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
Depresso; the feeling you get when you`ve run out of coffee.
Let’s be the generation that stops putting things in our butts and having to go to the emergency room to get them taken out, shall we?