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Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
When I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say,, “You’re in charge while I’m gone.”
It`s weird how Dora is multilingual at 4 but can`t find the banana tree behind her...
TEIAM - problem solved
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
Don’t waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Who decided to call the man purse a satchel and not a douchebag?
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can`t leave messages now. That`s the kind of genius I am.
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered a "Booby Prize" really wasn`t boobies at all...:(