Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the “I’m sick” voice.
I`m now fit to make my regular annual resolution. The accomplishment is the problem
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
I’m not fat... my stomach is 3D.
Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...
A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, I’m going back to bed.
My relationship is mostly me apologizing for saying something super bada$$ and hilarious
If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
My wife is great at multitasking. She can be mad at me for five different things at the same time.