Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Your baby was cute until I realized you’re on the same flight as me. Now your baby is stupid.
Every time i see a person kneeling over tying their shoe, i run up behind them and hop over them to try and get a game of leapfrog going.
I drink to make other people interesting.
Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
I`d be vegetarian ... if bacon grew on trees.
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
I finally figured out how to get rid of that annoying sound in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out!!
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
I just got an email telling me how I can have fuller, firmer breasts. I can`t wait to show them to my wife!!
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria