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I smile when I`m having dirty thoughts :)
Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!
I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
I’ve watched “Aladdin” like 25 times with my kids, so I know quite a bit about politics in the Middle East.
Next time a skinny bitch calls herself fat… I’m gonna agree with her.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it`s strapped to the top of someone`s car.
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.
Left the toilet seat up. Wife screaming in 5, 4, 3, 2...
I`ve just seen an advert in my local newspaper. ACCOUNTANT NEEDED! $35,000 - $40,000 So I called them up and said, "The answer is -$5,000."
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
I’m actually a really nice guy once you get to blow me.