Daily Silly Status

People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies

I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!

You know you`re getting older when you play GTA and spend 3 hours just walking around the map trying to find where you parked your car.

We`re all just nudists in disguise.

Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks I’m not reading it.

Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.

Clearly, it is wrong to describe woman`s menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.

When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.

This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"

I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??

Pizza will never tell you you`re fat unless you`re high as sh!t, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.

I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.

If you want to take a bank teller out on a date, just ask her. Don`t slip her a note at the window. Trust me on this.

I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."

"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P