Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Lord, if I can`t be skinny, make my friends look fat.
Friends are like orgasms... nobody wants the fake ones.
hmm ... I wonder what I´m thinking?
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Dating should be like buying a car. You should get to talk to the previous owners... SHOW ME THE MANFAX!!
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin ... I don’t even know what that means, but now I’m hungry.
I like wearing glasses because I like to dramatically remove them before I say something profound. Doing that with contacts doesn`t have the same effect.
Oh, I offended you with my opinion? You should hear the ones I kept to myself.
Buying an airline ticket is like paying shipping and handling for yourself.
Went shopping alone and the cashier asked, "How are you guys doing?" Now I`m 90% sure he can see ghosts and one is following me around.
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..