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If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.
Growing up and becoming an adult was the worst decision I’ve ever made.
I enjoy long walks away from responsibility.
I love salad! Just wish it had the taste and texture of pizza.
Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.
Why does using a straw make it so much harder to admit there’s no more soda?
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
Between the coffee and the cocaine, it looks like the mission of Colombia is to wake up the world.
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.