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You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
My weekends are basically just spent splitting a bloomin` onion with my bros at Outback Steakhouse while trying to figure out why girls don`t like us.
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
When people ask how my childhood was, I say "Pretty good, so far."
I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
Guy advice #221: Starting a load of laundry in the washing machine and then starting a load in the dryer counts as `2 loads` - just sayin`!
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that they don`t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
It takes patience to listen.., it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them and why aren`t we helping to find them?