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I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners.
I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
Procrastination comes to those who wait.
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
Mom: Clean your room. We`re having guests over for dinner. Me: I didn`t realize that dinner will be held in my room.
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
If it`s tourist season why can`t we shoot them?
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
I took the "Which 90`s Cartoon Are You?" quiz and got "You`re a fucking grown man. Stop it. Right now."