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I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
The sole purpose of a child`s middle name, is so he can tell when he`s really in trouble.
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Summer needs to slow the hell down.
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
Don’t get me started. I don’t come with brakes.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
I`m uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. - Guys.
When one door closes it`s probably because someone shut it.
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!