Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I`m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
I`m going to a wedding rehearsal this weekend. Wedding rehearsals are the only time you see someone practice making a mistake.
There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
Whenever a little kid asks me to push him on the swing I remind him there are children his age in China making iPhones.
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
I`m first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious
The fact that I start clapping every time someone says "Please give me a hand" is only like the number 6 reason I dont have friends.
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
Do the right thing today: Go to someone`s profile, scroll down 4 months, and like something.