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I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
There is no "we" in "bacon", so don`t even ask.
Adding lyrics when you don`t know the words or making words up when you don`t speak the language. ;)
There are two types of people in the world: 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm. 2. Morons.
On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
When I think of you I touch myself ... On my temples ... You give me a migraine.
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem solver.
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
Sleep is like a time machine to breakfast.
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$.