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I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
I noticed the toilet roll incorrectly installed in your selfie.
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
I wonder how many messengers were killed before they came up with the saying.
I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut.
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I`m guessing it`s because the other fifty percent can`t afford lawyers.
My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"
Have you noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy? i bet hes not laughing out loud
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
Highways need 4 lanes per side - A NASCAR wannabe lane, a normal driver lane, an old people who drive 40 in a 70 lane & a "where in the hell am I?" lane.