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All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
Why do people with really bad breath always want to tell you secrets?
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
The first sign of laziness:
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.
For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
Shot my first turkey today...scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
If you`re looking for happiness, walk to your nearest liquor store.
We think therefore we must be, but are we?
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!