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I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
You can steal my status updates whenever you want, but just remember that I lick every single one before I post them...
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don`t f*cking deserve string cheese.
Not to brag, but they know me by name at the liquor store and the police station.
How do I tell a man he loves me?
I`m changing my facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post crappy posts, and i press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this
How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I`ll let you know if we can be friends.
My pants are 75% off.
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I`ve ever read on a social networking site.
“Screw it” – My final thought before making most decisions.
You know it`s been a good night when you wake up and see bite marks on the walls...
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone