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I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
I’ve already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I’m gonna “come on down” whether they call my name or not.
Hand dryers are a great way to see how your hands look while skydiving.
I`ve robbed banks before...and they`re never getting their pens back.
If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning.
Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
The last breasts I touched belonged to a dead chicken.
Ran into a former supervisor from my last job today, kept driving.