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I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
I want my next girl to be crazy but more "Lets have sex in public" crazy rather than "I throw hot coffee in your face" crazy.
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I`ll read 4 or 5 status updates and I`ll cry, because I relieze how dysfunctional some of my friends life`s are. but then I`ll smile when I remember things like the leftover pizza from last night sitting on the coffee table!
Real friends show me their boobs
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
They say I have a drinking problem. I say they have a problem with nudity.
Just burned 3 calories typing this with my thumb muscles. #fitness
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
FYI: Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long, if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.
Occasionally, I like to take a look through my old status updates and smile at my sparkling wit.