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Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they`d make up their mind
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn`t live in glass houses.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what`s inside.
Shout out to weathermen telling us the barometric pressure like we know what the hell to do with that information.
One does not simply log out of their friend`s facebook account without making them gay.
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
"I`m tired of you pushing me around and talking behind my back." ----people in wheelchairs probably
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?