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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
Days are short in December but spending them with family really stretches them out.
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
I SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild...
If anyone has any terrible ideas, I`ve historically been very open to them.
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
You know it`s getting bad when the voices in your head start texting you
How I talk: 25% swearing, 25% sarcasm 50% a combination of both.
I really would love to see two mimes arguing
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.
Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.