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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
You seem to love cocktails... or part of it.
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
Ever work out and think "wow I really needed that"? That`s how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.
Sure, I can speak Spanish... "Margarita!"
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, 9 if you`re ugly.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
My therapist says I have imposter syndrome. But come on, I`m not good enough to have something fancy like that.
With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog...
Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made a laser noise.
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
I’m off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
Nothing`s more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in CVS was staring at me.