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I love my toilet. We`ve been through alot of sh!t together.
Only 3 things can make me run. When someone yells, "Fire", "Free beer" or "The free beer is on fire”
When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone’s numbers again, I text them: “Guess who?” for 2 weeks.
i don`t care if u don`t like me ........... i am not a facebook status:D
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
The only human interaction I want for the rest of the day is the exchange of money between me and the liquor store cashier
My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
I`m certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
I may or may not have just "Whipped my Hair Back and Forth".......
Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
The best trick the devil ever pulled was calling herself "him".
Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2.
Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport where Two dudes hold hands...
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.