Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your house. Those bastads live forever.
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
If Wyle E Coyote had enough cash to buy all that ACME stuff why didn’t he just buy dinner?
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed a bottle of food coloring. The doctor says I`m OK, but I feel like I`ve dyed a little inside.
Every Facebook photo album could be titled either "Envy Me!" or "Pity Me!"
I used to think I was overreacting. Now I realize it was a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of bullsh!t.
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
My head has that drunk on cheap alcohol feel without me getting to actually drink the alcohol :(
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
Little known fact: Walt Disney was the inventor of modern day text talk "M - I - C... C u real soon... K - E - Y... Y? Because we like u"
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.