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Big shoutout to whoever decided the ? and ! should be next to each other on an iPhone. That typo hasn’t made me look insane 10,000 times.
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
Behind every great women is a man checking out her a$$
Dear Alcohol, Will you be my valentine? ?
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
If you`re in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.
And then I was all: “I’m really getting sick of your shit, bitch.” And then she was all: “To speak with a representative please press 7.”
The best black Friday deal ... sleep - $0.
My coworkers and I do this fun thing where they say `It`s so cold out!` and I say `It`s winter` and then we silently hate each other.
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of beer named Responsibly.
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!
To help reduce cost, this status was typed in china.
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.