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Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife someone wakes me up.
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I’m “the one,” but isn’t talking to a police officer.
I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
Folding laundry with a toddler is like trying to straighten a desk full of papers while a fan blows on it.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks. I`m out in public. Thanks.
My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
When I think of a selfie, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
When I`m cleaning my room, 1% cleaning 29% moaning 70% playing with stuff I just found.
They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you. But mine just points and laughs.
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!