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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
I don`t mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It`s the coming back home part that bothers me.
Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
It`s all fun and games until you find out she`s a psychotic bitch...
When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean & people think I’m joking.
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
The first sign of laziness:
FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
“we should hang out soon” loosely translates to I’m doing everything in my power to end this stupid conversation.
Today is opposite day. Wait...if today is opposite day and I say that it is opposite day that means today isn`t opposite day. If it isn`t opposite day then how cAn I say today is opposite dAy? I`m so confused -.-
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.