Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
I`m a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
Who`s further now, the Energizer Bunny or Voyager 1?
Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I`m sobering up.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
Thanks to the popularity of gifs, we are living in the golden age of silent films.
Amnesia sounds so relaxing.
Candy Crushers keep inboxing me saying that they need "lives" as if I didn`t already know that.
I’ve got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date!
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I`ve never been so mad that I pee`d myself.