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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
Todays Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I`m supposed to stop reading the internet.
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
your status deserves a standing ovation but I`m lazy I`ll just click `like`
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I wish my life had background music so I could figure out what the hell is going on.
Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I`m a valued customer at several grocery stores.
Home is where the alcohol is.
How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Alladin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys. We shouldn’t be surprised when they misbehave, they get it from their storybooks!