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if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
CAMPING TIP: If you get lost in the woods, a compass can help you get lost more North.
I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet.... LOL
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
Why the hell do we still use snow shovels when flame throwers are available?
Guys, how many times have you said "it looks great honey" when you really are just laughing inside?
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift
You never outgrow sleepovers, they just become coed.
My boss yelled at me yesterday "It`s the fifth time you`ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!" I said, "Probably that it`s Friday?"…