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I clean my house like everyone else ... 5 minutes before someone comes over.
Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."
Checklist: Poke People ? Delete People ? Block People ? Send Friend Requests ? Accept Friend Requests ? Ignore Chats ? Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ?....Morning chores all done.
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. It`s like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%
I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.