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Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.
I swear I heard my dentist whisper "yolo" as he reached for a chisel...
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
Iām always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
You should never lie through your teeth. Open your mouth and speak properly.
When one door closes, another one opens.... That`s when you realize that you`ve bought a really bad second hand car.
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
Real friends show me their boobs
I have a black belt in leather
If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die.
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.
I think girls secretly enjoy putting guys in the friend zone