Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`d swim across the ocean for you.. Lol, Just kidding. There`s f*cking sharks in there.
If only life was as easy as getting fat.
The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
Hate is too powerful an emotion to waste on somebody you don`t even like.
I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
Did you hear that? That was the sound of soccer being irrelevant in the US for another 4 years..
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
My mother said, “You won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.” I said, “Oh ya…..Just you wait.....”
My girlfriend left me because I`m a legend ... Or to quote her, `Arrogant`.
Don`t you just want to write on some people`s Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)
If nothing else, love is nice because it confirms that you do not hate everyone. Just everyone minus one.