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If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
People who text back... "kk" ... Are so annoying! ....and almost racist
"Fidget Spinners are so dumb pointless." -The generation that purchased over 5 million Pet Rocks.
I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean & people think I’m joking.
Anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets and morals, you probably shouldn`t invite me over.
When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for 2?” I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see her too?”
A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
I regret buying that straight jacket now. I thought it would look good on me but I just couldn`t pull it off...
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".