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I wish I had a friend like me
Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
If you’re not fully satisfied with your life, do something about it. Or complain about it on the internet. Whatever you prefer.
Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
Sometimes I feel like giving up...Then I remember I have a lot of motherf*ckers to prove wrong
they say "money cant buy happiness" but money pays for my internet connection and my vodka so im thinking maybe "they" are wrong
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
If jail isn`t supposed to be fun, why do they get bunk beds?
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers.
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....
One night, as I as lying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself: "What the f#ck happened to the roof?"