Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I thought the movie `fast & furious` was about my sex life. I`m fast, my wife is furious.
Why can`t I get service in my own home, but the god damn Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan!?
I hate it when I put on my apple bottom jeans and cannot find my boots with da fur!!
It’s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
Life is NOT like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today, can burn your a$$ tomorrow.
Whenever my son questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind him that I`m older than the Internet.
1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There`s no episode where a man asks a woman `what`s wrong?`
Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
I like to jump onto people`s backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away
Really close to my perfect target weight. All I need now is one more stomach flu
How come we can put a man on the moon but we can`t made a smoke alarm that can differentiate between a house fire and cooking sausages?
It would be so cool to be able to see an album of all the pictures you’ve accidentally photobombed in public.