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Bored? Update your Facebook to “in a relationship” with someone you’ve never met just to see if they’ll confirm.
Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
I just awesomed all over the place.
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.
If you want to see exactly how angry a person can get, tell them to "calm down" when they`re already pissed off.
Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.