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Sleeping alone is a complete waste of my sexual talent.....
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
Ok honey don’t freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn’t do the dishes.
CAMPING TIP: If you get lost in the woods, a compass can help you get lost more North.
Salary is like a menstrual cycle, it comes once a month and is gone in five days...
My 2017 resolution is to stop thinking so much about the future.
Hello...
Find someone you`re good at.
I want to grow my own food but I can`t find any bacon seeds.
I`m sorry, I`ll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I`m a giant.
My bf just got out of jail. Says life in jail for him was a big pain in the a$$
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she`ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes
Me: You`re the prettiest girl I`ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you`re smart too, I like that.
I need to find a woman that loves me for my money....but doesn`t understand math. (<>..,<>)