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Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.
I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn`t matter if its a dog, it`s still called a cat scan"
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I`m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
Coworker: What did you do this weekend? Me: Dug holes in the woods. And that is how you get people to shut up.
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
Tomorrow is Valentines day, a holiday that comes along once a year to remind you that if you don`t have a special someone...I guess your alone.
There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.
Jodi Arias dating O J Simpson now that would be a hell of a relationship
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...
Oh, honey, you have gone beyond muffin top. That`s a busted can of biscuits!