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I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
You do realize everyone can see your status right?
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
Marriage is something you should pay for and divorce should be free. You might think twice before buying into it.
I have no problem admitting that you made a mistake.
Her (from the living room): What time is it out there? Me (in the kitchen): Same time as it is in there.
If I don`t clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded ppl for a Frebreeze commercial.
Some people just lack the ability to realize that everyone in the room wants them to shut up.
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
didn`t get much sleep last night, I tried counting sheep but they kept cutting in line, confused the hell outta me!!
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter, like watching TV and having a beer.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.
Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?
You`re really cute, can I suck the life out of you? - women