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You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
If you have a tattoo on your face, you`ve lost the right to ask me what I`m looking at.
Whenever our neighbor`s dog is barking, I know there`s either someone at their door or literally anything else in the universe has happened.
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
I burn bridges to keep those crazy bastards from following me.
I fell asleep at the wheel smh, time to turn Mario Kart off and go to bed.
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
Apparently, I just ate 39 servings of Tic - Tacs.
At this point Washington DC is basically just an elaborate promotional stunt for Grand Theft Auto V.
Rap Music is like Scissors…It always loses to Rock.
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening
I stop at random Jehovah`s Witness houses and drop off copies of Rolling Stone.
Constantly losing socks in the laundry but finding change. So logically there has to be a sock fairy.
Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein`s forehead would have been far less noticeable.