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You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.
I went for a run today. What the hell is wrong with you people why would you do this to yourself you need help.
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.
They should make an app that tells me how many Oreos I can eat for every mile I jog.
I just sprayed Citrus Fabreeze in my bathroom... Now it smells like Sh*trus
I dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It`s not a beautiful poem, but it`s very deep.
that annoying manager who thinks they are god ... you are not ... you are a douche box
I’m not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling