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I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t these days. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.
I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there`s a cop hiding in the bushes
I`m pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.
I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
I put a pair of boots in the bathroom stall at work so nobody else will use the stall that I like to use.
Just give me coffee and no one gets hurt.
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
If you come to myspace and twitter about my yahoo, can I google over your facebook?
I just ate Pasta and Anti-Pasta, but they annihilated each other, now I am hungry again.......
I should win an Oscar for acting like I`m busy at work.
I`ve been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don`t know how to tell her I forgot her name.
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
I eat my salad without dressing because who has time to put on clothes...
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.