Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.
Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
I`d be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
We`re all brave until we realize the cockroach has wings
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.
I swear my bed just whispered "Please Don`t go."
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, I’m going back to bed.
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
Don´t be stupid, it´s not smart.
I need to get out of bed and do something so I can justify taking a nap later.
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.