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If I could be anyone else in the whole world, I would still be me so that I wouldn`t have to buy new clothes.
One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
Gym Update: Not there.
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m a person.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a prescription bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness."
I`m just doing what the beer tells me to.
Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
It’s almost 2015, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don`t have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
“we should hang out soon” loosely translates to I’m doing everything in my power to end this stupid conversation.
I`m not just living paycheck to paycheck. I`m living from paycheck to change jar to scrap aluminum to liquor store to paycheck.
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.