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You never really know someone until you break up with them. If they don’t go crazy and try to kill you than maybe you should give them a second chance.
Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
I`d say 20% of my day is spent trying to convince the dog we`re not about to be murdered by the UPS guy, mailman, squirrels, or the ice dispenser..
It takes balls to be a man.
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
“Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today.” – said no one ever
There is no angry way to say `bubbles.`
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
Last night a movie theatre was robbed of $1000. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, a combo meal, and a box of milk duds.
When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
I`m not feeling myself today..... Perhaps I should feel someone else.
I`m on a whiskey diet. So far I`ve lost 3 days.
This isn`t a bakery. We don`t sugarcoat sh!t