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It`s what`s on the inside that counts... *Except chocolate covered raisins.
Pornography only gets called by its full name when it`s in trouble too.
Nothing is more comical than seeing someone tiptoe with cheeks clenched hastily en route to a washroom to do #2.
When I get home the first thing I`m going to do is rip my wife`s panties off. Because they`re too small and the elastic is killing me.
The trick is to not let people know how weird you really are until its too late for em to back out
The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.
Man what a day. I pulled my groin...for like 20 minutes.
My New Year`s Resolution is to stop making late decisions.
For Lent I`ve decided to give up my New Year`s Resolutions
ROFL!!….. LOL jk i’m still in my chair.
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
I dont care how you live your life, so just let me live mine. Yeah whatever.