Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
My teen thought it`d be funny to post as me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
There’s always that one person that catches you doing something weird.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin…just in case.
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
Side boob is only hot on women, bro.
If you think someone is staring at you: 1. Yawn 2. If they yawn, they were staring.
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
There`s a warning light on my dashboard of a vague exclamation point. It`s like when my girlfriend was mad at me and she wouldn`t say why.
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun
Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful
Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.