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If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
My therapist cries "Why me?" for the full hour.
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
You can`t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
I am surprised Cheech and Chong have not filmed a new movie -"Cheech and Chong Smoke Colorado"
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
Do you think that the guy that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I`ve ever read on a social networking site.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
the only way I know something is bad for me is if I like it