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I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
I`ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working...
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
Nothing good goes into a microwave at 2:00am.
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
Well, I`m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.
I`ve already had two beers which automatically means my day is already better than yours.
Darn right I’m good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you`re donating blood...
So apparently putting Alkaseltzer in my pocket while I`m getting baptized and pretending I`m the devil is not funny.
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.
I was named after my father. I don`t really like the name "Dad" though.