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What flavor is this Harlem Shake you speak of?
"I`m single and ready to mingle"..oh god, is this why I`m still single, cuz I say sh!t like that?
The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
I`ve grown up a lot recently. For example, I used to drink beer all day and now I drink wine.
Sometimes, talking to a woman requires a translator.
Iām in no shape to exercise.
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
Jodi Arias dating O J Simpson now that would be a hell of a relationship
I wasn`t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I really feel about you!
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
I`m going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he`s dressed. He was asking for it!"
If you watched the story of my life backwards, you`d see an incredibly inspirational story about hair growth, weight loss, and vastly improved athletic ability.
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven