Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
When i am bored, i like parking along side the xpressway stick a hair dryer out the window, and watch everyone slam on their brakes.
A word of advice, stay on my good side. My good side is in Hawaii.
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
The first sign of laziness:
Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a "judgment free" zone...unless we`re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
If you want to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 9am, don`t be open.
I have problems cleaning my house because I get distracted by all the fun things I find.
Life is hard ... It`s harder if you`re stupid.
Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"
The true trollers are the ones who troll the trolls.
For once I would like to see a horoscope that says, "You`re totally f*cked this month"