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My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.
When I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say,, “You’re in charge while I’m gone.”
I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.
Dear World, Stop saying "twerk."
They should make an app that tells me how many Oreos I can eat for every mile I jog.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I’ve discovered, the easiest way to change a flat tire is by not wearing a bra.
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
Wife: give me money I want to buy a bra. Husband: you`ve got nothing to put in them. Wife: you wear shorts
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
Someone has got to come up with a polite way to ask a fat girl if she`s pregnant.
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.