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For Valentine`s Day my wife wanted to.... well, you know. It started with her handcuffing me to the bed. And for three solid hours she watched whatever she wanted on television
Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili`s at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I`ve decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili`s.
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
You`re the reason why I believe in condoms.
I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it`s nice to see agreeable babies out there.
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
Some of you ladies need to ease up on the makeup until we get this clown situation resolved.
My dad use to take me to the circus to see the clowns, freakshows and the bearded lady. Now... I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.