Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
Why do people with really bad breath always want to tell you secrets?
Next time you go to the bank and they ask you if you`d like large bills, just look at them dead serious and say "No, normal size ones if you don`t mind."
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
Bring me the heads of my enemies!! or some cupcakes ... whichever.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
Turtles make an awesome jogging buddy.
I hate taking down Christmas decorations just to put up Halloween decorations...
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
If Kanye didn`t sing "Gold Digger" while Kim walked down the aisle, I`m not interested in hearing anything about their wedding.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit"
Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.
I just heard a woodpecker call me a `paranoid old weirdo` in morse code.