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Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.
When I say ‘it’s a long story’, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
It would be a lot easier to drink the recommended 64oz of water a day if it was beer.
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile ?
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
Cars should come with two horns: one that’s like “Hey guys!” & another that’s like “I will end you!”
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
"Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this."--MC Hammer giving a Museum tour
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?