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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
From now on when skinny girls say they`re fat I`m just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
If I`ve learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven`t figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
Mondays aren`t so bad... it`s my job that sucks.
Sure, I was walking home from the bar drunk, but I wasn`t even stumbling. My guess is, the cops just had it in for naked people.
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
I am 5 for 5 on popping my trunk instead of unlocking the fuel door at the gas station.
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don`t want to talk.
Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.
Either I wrote a bunch of drunken Facebook status updates last night, or my dog has finally figured out the computer.