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I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail
You can be like "This is a slippery slope" or you can be like "Weeeeeeee!"
None of the animals I designed and invented are at the zoo. Do they even check the suggestion box?
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
Im afraid to go outside or even sit next to a window during an lightening storm. Im afraid that I`ll get zapped! I`m scared that God is gonna get me!!!
If you lack motivation, get on treadmill naked in front of mirror.
I`d like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
The most frightening thing about nightmares is realizing that they were created by your mind.
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.
Sex-ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.