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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
Wind chimes? I can`t see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what`d be nice? Noise.
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
Currently training for when they inevitably make drinking an Olympic sport.
Turns out the plastic bag they put in your ice bucket at a hotel isn`t for to-go bacon from the breakfast buffet.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
I thought we had something. You met my family, made me dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”