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My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about.
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn`t just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
*breaking news music plays* Last thought of the night: Why is now everyone talkin` bout "twerkin`"? Man, that shyt been `round since the days of Hammer pants and spandex shorts!!!!
"Friendzoned" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
Someone once said, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So, I’m pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!
People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.
Can I tell you how terribly grateful I am that no one had cell phones, iPads or digital cameras when I had to squaredance in P.E.
And Jesus said, those footprints on the beach where two sets become one, that`s where I unfollowed you.
Driving a Dodge doesn`t automatically make you a defensive driver.