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I always carry a lighter in case I end up at an impromptu concert...or need to set someone`s house on fire. Either way, I`m prepared.
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
Why is it when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a deserted island?" , no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
New Life Goal: Get a job where people ask me, "You actually get paid for doing this?"
I`m no cactus expert, but I know a pr!ck when I see one
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
To be clever can be difficult without caffiene.
I don`t always do a lot, but I put a lot of thought into it.