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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
When your mother asks you if you`re sexually active, the correct response is: "No, I just lie there."
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
Caterpillars have the ideal life. They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.
In paintball, you should be allowed to use a paintbrush as a knife.
Christmas is all about getting your entire dysfunctional family under one roof, hoping the cops don`t get called and nobody gets arrested.
Why did you have to take a half naked picture in front of a full length mirror to show off your new haircut?
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90`s TV
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling