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20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it’s dirty again. This is bullsh!t.
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
Good for you, people that do things.
“Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..